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Debra Quartermain Design
 Making & Celebrating 
Monday, May 30 2016

Alice in Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass were two of my favorite books as a young girl. I still have both books in my library. I haven't seen the new movie out yet but saw the first Alice movie. Alice, the young woman reminded me of the Alice portrayed in the pictures in my book, compelling, strong in a world of strangeness and yet enchanting at the same time.

The lesson, the reminder is we are all an Alice, we can create our own lives, our own Wonderland. It took me many years to arrive and here I am living in a house built at the same time Lewis Carroll was writing Alice in Wonderland. Each day the high ceilings, the Victorian architecture, the library filled with books, the settee in the early morning sun of the parlor. I have stepped back in time to my best life, my spirit from another era but my heart firmly in the present day of my handsome love and all my darling grandlittles. It reads like a fairy tale but like Alice it took brave moments, energy, trust and determination to arrive.

So be you, find your Alice and create your Wonderland!

Posted by: Debra Quartermain AT 09:27 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Saturday, May 07 2016

Mother's Day, every year I read the posts shared by the friends, family, mothers and daughters in my world. Motherhood is revered, we love our Moms. Motherhood encompasses many relationships beyond the traditional, there are single parent families both headed by a mother figure whether female or male, there are same sex partners and parents, adoptive, birth and step mothers. This is my story as an adoptive and step mom who has relationships with the birth parents of both of my daughters.

I am sharing my story and also my perspective from many conversations with young women who have been adopted and their struggles with their adoptive family and their birth family. Family relationships of any kind can be complicated. Adding more people in similar roles is even more complicated. I know, I have been and am a daughter, a stepdaughter, an adoptive mom, a single mom, a stepmom, a grandmother, a step grandmother on both sides and have relationships with both birth families of my daughters. My daughters have had so much family with birth parents, birth grandparents, birth grandparents, step grandparents, step parents. They have both half and step siblings. Throw in cousins etc. It is and has been wonderful but also complicated and overwhelming.

Because of a hereditary condition and medical concerns adoption was the route we chose for a family. Working with Social Services, many interviews, six years after we applied we received our first daughter, thirteen days old. We applied immediately for another child and almost ten years later received our second daughter only a couple weeks old as well. After waiting so long for a family with the ups and downs of possible arrivals and then not happening it is a roller coaster of emotions and doubts. Will you ever be a parent? How will you feel when you see the baby for the first time and become an instant parent? All the doubts fell away as soon as our daughter was placed in my arms, she was mine and I was her mother. It was a whole beginning for us as a family. Yet out there was a family she knew nothing about, her birth family who would always think and wonder about her. From the very beginning we told her the story of picking her up, her adoption story and answered her questions. We knew too the possibility of her birth parents wanting to contact her after she turned eighteen. As a new Mom with a baby that day seemed forever away and not real.

Fast forward to twenty years later when we receive a letter stating a birth parent is wanting to make contact. The range of emotions were wide, my role as a Mom, and being a single Mom, I felt I was about to be graded on the most important test of my life. As a Mom it was my place to be there to support my daughter in this huge event no matter my feelings. What mattered most was her, we spent time scrapbooking an album of her childhood for her birthmom before the meeting. In doing so we shared a walk down memory lane and that was my gift in this part of the reunion.

The reunion brought a whole family into my daughter's life, her birthmom looked like her older sister, they dressed very similar, wore birkenstocks and loved exotic cats. Nature versus nurture, a discussion we often had. A few years later reuniting with her birthdad's family as well. I welcomed them all and they welcomed me. We all were pivoting around my daughter, everyone trying to be respectful and aware of each others feelings with my daughter trying to navigate it all. Trips were planned and vacations shared with my daughter and her birth family. My head always saying whatever is best for her, my heart often unsure and vulnerable. We let our children know that each one is loved as much as the next, each in a unique relationship with us as parents. However sharing as a parent not always so easy.

There was no handbook, I signed us up for a course for adoptees, their adoptive parents and birthparents. I was the only adoptive parent on the course. I listened to the birthmoms on the calls some desperate to reunite and have a relationship with their birth children. I learned of the details of my daughter's birth and the time leading up to her arrival. I talked to young women who have a biological need to know their roots who have adoptive parents mostly their moms who are terrified and see it as a betrayal. Asking why do you need this in your life when you have a family already. They are scared that the child, the teen who slammed doors or walked off perhaps saying you are not my real mom will now be welcomed into their "real" family where they look like each other and discover other similarities. A fresh slate in an adult relationship.

What I do know is that being a Mom is beyond blood and having the same nose, likes and dislikes, they are important and you cannot deny those aspects. However when you are the one who has been there their whole lives and loved them with every fiber in your being, you are the Mom. If you close yourself off from an important part of their life you hurt your child and you damage your relationship with them. No matter what your heart feels sometimes you have to let your head lead, let your love as a parent be there for your child. yes you will probably mess up, give into the fears but pick up and start again, life is a journey just keep going.

Jump ahead a few more years and I am now happily married to a lovely man who brought six grandchildren with him, we now have four more added in to the mix. I am now a stepmother and step grandmother building relationships, embracing the little ones. My younger daughter has reunited with birth family, a different process but in the end birth family for her too. Her active role in the process was one she shared with me and I was filled with great admiration and love.

The birth of my daughter's children was the most vulnerable place for me in all of the reunion process. There was a FB group for grandparents as there were so many of us. Pregnancy stories, who the baby would look like, all of these stories were not ones I could share in. I could share those of my daughter's baby hood but it was a whole new world. I did not realize how I would feel, sitting waiting during labor, my heart with hers. Nineteen hours until my precious grand daughter arrived and on first glance she had my heart. The depths of my love and the vulnerability I felt in the unsureness of those first few days in the hospital threw me. I admittedly was not so willing to share as a new grandmother. Another year has past and another baby, I was in the delivery room for this precious arrival, cut the cord and watched my grand daughter arrive into this world. My daughter gave me the gift of a lifetime. These little ones have brought us closer together and all of our families, birth and step. A week after my daughter had her little one, my step daughter had a baby girl too and the baby girls, now cousins met as newborns.

Do I have it figured out, do we; no, life is a journey, with each new step comes questions and adjustment. My daughters both have wonderful birth families who love them very much. They come to visit them and me, I am very grateful for that and the relationships they bring. My husband's family are wonderful people as well and all of our grandchildren, all ten are ours and we have many family events with them all.

Love is about inclusion, it does sometime hurt and in those moments I have learned to look at what I am afraid of, what am I missing. no matter how careful we are we can still be hurt and hurt others. Try to talk about it, say you are sorry and always remember no matter what you are feeling, your child is the one who is in the middle of the family situation.

My advice when your child comes to you with questions about their birth family.

1. Do not ask why, try to answer as clearly and knowledgeably as you can. When my older daughter growing up would ask what I thought her birthmom was doing, I would estimate her age and say things like she is probably working after her degree.

2. No matter what you feel inside, take a deep breath and let your child know you will help. Your fears may be overwhelming, get some help, counselling to help deal with it. It may be something they will need as well depending on the outcome. In any scenario they need your loving support.

3. Do not make your child choose between you and the birth family, do not give ultimatums. You will hurt your relationship and do exactly what you are afraid of. Your child is adopted and the need to know about their birth family is something noone can control.

4. The situation at certain times will be more challenging than others, remind yourself of that and know this too will pass. If they choose to try a holiday with their birth family and break family tradition, feel your disappointment but give them the chance. There are many more holidays to come.

Remember most of all that the decision of a young woman gave you the most precious gift of all, your child, the gift of being a Mom.

Just listen. Just love. Be a Mom, that is what you are. That is who I am a Mom and Grandmom. It is that simple, it is all about love. Besides it takes a village to raise a child. :)

Happy Mother's Day!

Posted by: Debra Quartermain AT 04:31 pm   |  Permalink   |  2 Comments  |  Email
Monday, March 28 2016

I have to admit to having heard about the SNAP! conference  just a couple of years ago. Living in Canada and now owning a 5 star B & B my design career took me to the CHA (Craft and Hobby Show) in January and that was the extent of my current travel. Seeing several other Designer members were attending SNAP! I looked into it last year and had an epiphany, this was the conference with the tag line Cook. Create. Celebrate. That is my life, I own a B & B, I cook for my guests and family. We host many special events and celebrations which I decorate for. I am Design and Social Media Co-ordinator for Kunin Felt and along with ten grandlittles I am creating every day! I knew this year that I had to attend! Besides I have the best friends and the wonderful Laura Kelly said come share our room.

I had been wanting to rebrand myself somewhat and start a new blog. When, well three weeks before SNAP! So here is my fourth post. :) My website is home, I still have my other blog here as well. This Making & Celebrating Heart, Home & Holidays is me. It is my life everyday. I love making people happy, I love to inspire and to share!

More Serendipity, Chinet is the main sponsor for SNAP! We do use real china for breakfast with the guests and other special events but we use Chinet's products for many occasions here. We have ten grandlittles and five children all with spouses or partners, then there are all the other family and friends who come and go for birthdays and holidays. We have a pantry with Chinet products for those big family celebrations. Their products are sturdy and attractive and save time both in preparation and clean up which is very much appreciated!

Many summer days are spent outside enjoying lunch. We get to do this and clean up quick.

Then we get to do this, on our way to another fun summer outing!

I can hardly wait to attend SNAP! in a couple weeks and connect with an amazing group of creative bloggers!

Keep making & celebrating!

Posted by: Debra Quartermain AT 07:34 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, March 25 2016

My creative career as taken me to the US on many trips to conferences and tradeshows over the past few years. It was partly because of all the travel I was ready to spend more time at home. Opening a B&B was certainly a way to do that. I also wanted to combine my love of cooking and decorating into my career as well. Next month a bigger dream comes true and that is hosting a Creative retreat with five amazing craft stars and my friends!

The QH Creative Retreat is two days of workshops with the amazing Cheryl Boglili, Eileen Hull, Laura Kelly, Lorine Mason and Marie Browning! They are all staying at Quartermain House along with Scotty of the Paper Trail and Glinda the Glamper, vintage campers parked in the yard. They all agreed in a heartbeat to come and share their talent so that many of the creative people in my area can attend their workshops. The weekend begins with a Welcome Reception Friday night and continues with full and half day workshops, lunch, candy bar, open market and doodling with Laura, tours of Scotty and Glinda. Last year Cheryl came for the weekend and taught nearby, this year five Craft Stars! We are going to have a creative blast! Register here:

We are also very excited to have these wonderful companies as our sponsors: Sizzix, Beacon Adhesives, Kunin Felt, Tombow, Deflecto

Here we are last year with Glinda the Glamper.

Keep making and celebrating!

Posted by: Debra Quartermain AT 08:42 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Wednesday, March 23 2016

My B&B hosts many guests who are involved with the University, a ten minute walk away. This week I have had a marine biologist from a very warm climate and two paleontologists as guests. When the two latter guests were booked the description was Paleo and as I always make notes as to my guests dietary requirements I was thinking of course Paleo diet. I greet my guest warmly and remark on her diet, she replies she is a paleontologist and actually does not eat meat. We both enjoyed the moment and the breakfast menu was revised somewhat. :)

Breakfast has always been my favorite meal to make. After a good night's sleep, the first meal of the day is very important.  Setting the tone for the day, fire on in the dining room, cloth napkins, pretty dishes, centerpiece. Soft background music. Creating an experience for whomever sits at my table.

I always like to start with a fresh fruit dish, since many of our mornings are cold or cool, it is usually a warm fruit dish like Braised Maple Pears with Strawberries and a touch of cinnamon. I always use local butter, maple syrup and local fruit as much as I can. (We have very long winters here.)

For this dish I halve and core a pear. Hull and halve six strawberries for each pear. Place a pan on low heat, melt a tablespoon of butter. Add pears to pan, sprinkle with a pinch of cinnamon. Turn pears for about two minutes. Cover pan for five minutes. This also depends on ripeness of pears. Uncover pears, add maple syrup. Now I never actually measure but am thinking about 1/4 cup. Turm heat up slightly let caramelize lightly. Throw in strawberries for 1 minute. Plate and serve. Yum, delicious, tasty are the usual reactions from my guests. My reaction Happy! TIP Always warm plates, I keep mine at the back of the stove top.

This first course is accompanied by a fresh baked pastry or muffin. Main course is an egg dish along with a side of bacon or sausage, toast and local preserves. Juices, tea, coffee accompany the meal.


Cinnamon Apple Souffle

Guests sit down at the table as strangers and most often the conversation begins to flow as the coffee is served and then the magic happens. No matter where people are from there is always something significant they have in common. This sparks connections, friendships and memories. We have had guests from Saudi Arabia, Asian guests from California and Canadian guests who stayed for a couple days. The delightful Asian guests taught English to others immigrating and they all left as good friends with English lessons set up by Skype with our guests from Saudi Arabia.

Another American guest came looking for her roots and our local guests from the northern part of the province through conversation at breakfast came to the realization the two women were related! This led to them spending the day together and ending it under the stars by the river that evening as we watched the eclipse all together.

Breakfast is indeed the most important meal of the day especially around here.

Posted by: Debra Quartermain AT 08:01 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Tuesday, March 22 2016

Where to begin, a brand new blog, first post. "Home is where the Heart is, so I begin at home. I live in a one hundred and seventy five year old heritage house. My home has a front parlor where we host tea parties, showers and weddings or you can also as easily find lego or blocks stacked when the ten grandlittles are around. It is also a 5 star B&B, often guests are wandering through taking photos or face timing with family on the other side of the world. Ah yes there are many photos of me in my apron, fly away hair after four hours in the kitchen next to a beaming guest. So worth it :)

This month the parlor is decorated for Spring and Easter. I like to mix items I have with some holiday specific items. The largest DIY project for this setting was recovering an old chair of my Mom's. I also love birds, this fabric was perfect. First I sanded the wood and then applied chalk paint. Once dry I sanded the edges.

I am not a professional upholsterer by any means but I am an avid DIYer. So with sharp scissors and a bottle of Beacon's Fabri-tac I cut and glued. The results I am quite pleased with. A couple of tips, make a template with an old sheet, or fabric scrap. Clip in the corners and turn edges under. Adding some braid trim, I love the name Alice Braid Trim from Expo International really made the chair. Although I did not seam the chair front, adding the trim makes it look like I did.

My Mom would love her chair now she was never afraid to try something. I remember when she wallpapered the bathroom ceiling in our small bathroom. She said it was the biggest wall in the room and when in the tub it would be pretty to look at. She also loved soft pinks and blues. March is her month, she arrived and left in this month so this decor is dedicated to her.

Speaking of pink here is another vignette in the bow window.

Decorating for each season, changing decor items, rearranging the furniture pieces all contribute to a fresh feel to the room. Walking in to the room every day makes me smile. I fall in love with the house all over again with each changing season. That is what home is meant to be, where your heart belongs.

Make every day a heart felt celebration!

                    

  

Posted by: Debra Quartermain AT 09:46 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email

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Debra Quartermain Design

 Magical Mimi to Grandlittles, I love to create, decorate & celebrate. Sharing  joy and inspiration from our 200 year old home, Quartermain House B&B on the east coast of Canada.

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    Debra Quartermain Design
    Fredericton, NB
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